Placement of two direct object pronouns in French

Question

In French how would you say

I eat you and it.

(Sorry for sentence I can't think of another transitive verb right now)

Would you say

Je te le mange.

or

Je te mange et lui.

or

Je le mange et toi.

Answer 1

Je vous mange, toi et lui/ça.

or simply:

Je vous mange tous les deux.

If you want the singular, you might say :

Je te mange, et elle/lui/ça aussi.

Je le/la mange, et toi aussi.

Note that without knowing what "it" refers to in your sentence, and to a lesser extent, who/what is "you" too, it is difficult to guess how to properly translate this English sentence.

Answer 2

It's actually impossible to directly combine object pronouns in French, or combine a pronoun with a noun! The object pronoun must come before the verb, but only a single object pronoun can be put before a verb. Taking a more meaningful verb:

Je te vois.
Je le vois.
Je vois Alice et Benjamin.
*Je vois toi (et …).

A workaround is required: use a single pronoun that works — for toi and a third person, that's the second person plural pronoun vous — and then affix a clause repeating the object.

Je vous vois, toi et lui.
Je les vois, Alice et lui.

None of your ideas work. “*Je te le vois” would be “I see it at/for/to/… you”, i.e. te is an indirect complement, which isn't what you meant, and doesn't work because the verb doesn't take an indirect complement. (Actually, “Je te le mange” can be idiomatic French in some contexts, meaning “I eat it for you” — an indirect complement that is a pronoun can sometimes have the implied meaning of taking an action for the sake of someone else.) “**Je te mange et lui*” and “*Je le mange et toi” don't work, the second pronoun can't be a complement of the first verb. It could be an incomplete sentence like “Je te mange et lui nous regarde”, where the second pronoun is the subject of another verb, and the word et separates two verb clauses, not two noun clauses.

Answer 3

Je te mange, ainsi que ça.

Je te mange, et ça aussi (moins stylé).

Je mange, et toi, et ça (insiste sur le fait qu'il y a 2 COD).

Je vous mange, toi et ça (agrégation des deux COD).