Following on from this question about using vous/tu, and specifically a throwaway remark by subtenante, what are some tricks that you can use to avoid having to use either, if you're uncertain?
5 Answers
There are several strategies.
Change the whole focus of the sentence. For instance, you want to flatter the person by asking "did you cook this meal yourself?" (knowing that he/she did cook it indeed), you'd be tempted to ask avez-vous cuisiné ce plat vous-même? ; you'll have to ask ce plat est délicieux, qui l'a cuisiné ? instead.
For "your", instead of ton/votre, always use ce. You want to borrow something, you won't ask it like "puis-je emprunter ton/votre ..." but either "puis-je emprunter ce ...".
If talking to someone you know very well from an organisation, like a different company, but you're not sure of the context (formal/informal?) just always say vous and pretend you talk about the organisation as a whole, which is always a plural, if you get any remark.
Sometimes, you just can't. In this case, use vous repeatedly until the person makes clear that the tu is ok. :)
Some people have the dirty habit of using neither vous nor tu but will use a third-person instead. Typical from shop owners who want to sound a little fancy: Et il lui faudra quoi au monsieur? Do not do that.
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1Upvoted for the "do not do that" (et il lui faudra quoi au monsieur), that's so ugly Sep 2, 2011 at 16:29
Use this simple rule: use vous by default.
I often ask if I can use tu after a couple of sentences. The answer is always yes.
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3Probably the safest approach, but I would qualify it by a note on the importance of age difference: without going full-blown into the whole vous vs. tu debate, if you are within a couple years of each other, and both under 30-40, "tu" is probably a safe default...– DaveAug 19, 2011 at 0:52
Use "tu" and say "My mother tongue is english, I don't do such difference" and smile
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Another trick as I discovered by answering another question : sometimes, you can use nous:
- Ne nous énervons pas!
- Comment allons-nous ce matin?
- Prendons-nous du sucre avec notre café?
I'm not saying it's always applicable, and it will sound weird in a lot of cases, but it's worth knowing.
As already mentionned, the third person can also be used, but probably only butlers can pull that one off:
- Monsieur a-t-il bien dormi?
- Madame est servie.
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1Nous ne nous abaissons pas à relire notre réponse avant de la soumettre.– JoubarcSep 2, 2011 at 9:04
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Ca, c'est une autre utilisation du nous ! On dit 'le nous royal' en français ?– BenjolSep 2, 2011 at 9:15
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5I would not recommend that a non-native speaker attempt nous or monsieur in the second person. It's a very uncommon turn of phrase; at best it is likely to be misunderstood, and if understood it will often be perceived as condescending. As the TLF puts it (I.A.4.b): “exprimer certaines nuances de sentiment (sympathie, condescendance, reproche affectueux, parfois ironie)”. Sep 2, 2011 at 9:23
- Ne pas adresser la parole à la personne concernée
- Parler seulement de généralités en évitant de s'adresser directement à la personne
- Parler toujours au pluriel
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