Okay, I'm hoping you'll get what I'm talking about; it's very specific.
This is a thing many Americans do when speaking casually in a joking manner—we use the present indicative tense of a verb to suggest something happening in theory, something which would be somehow entertaining. In writing (often seen in instant message conversations), this sort of thing is usually in asterisks. It suggests an action. Example:
Joe: So then I say to the lady, "Where's my asparagus?"
Mickey: *slaps you*
So, for those who know what I mean, how is this done in French?
Also, I have NO idea how to tag this, so I'm picking a random tag—retag at will.